Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
