Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
