It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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