I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
