Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is my gift to your gina
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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