we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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