just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
