now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
