Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
