Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
