So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
