you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
