No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize