She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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