Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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