i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
