She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
