Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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