THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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