it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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