the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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