Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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