Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
