her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize