I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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