no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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