Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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