oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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