Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This house was built for laser tag.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
