so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
