I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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