32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i have two assholes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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