I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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