At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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