Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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