I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Every concussion has its silver lining
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
