I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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