Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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