I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
