the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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