I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
