I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
