How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
