Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
