He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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