maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
