found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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