I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
