I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
