Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
