A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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