You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
