His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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