bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
