You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
