Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She's JV to your varsity
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
