I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize