so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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