Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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