i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
