definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
