I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
