If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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