I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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