At least make sure they are 18
Why
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
