Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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