so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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