So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize