Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We are all done wearing pants today
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
