He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
