I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
