Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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