well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
