Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
