We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
