I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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