sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
