she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
