tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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