Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
