I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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