waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
