no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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