There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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