i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
