I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
