Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
