I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
