shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize