Im at strip club and am horny
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My feet surprised me
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