I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
