It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
