I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
foreskin is a definite game changer
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
