he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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