Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he thought i was a dude.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
