Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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