we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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