When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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