I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
