He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
