Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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