she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
