Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
