no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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