Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
