The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
