i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
