A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
